So the challenge on the Charlie Stross blog was to incorporate these odd but 
actual news items into a creative writing piece:

1. Angus man who tried to fly drone into Perth Prison claimed Romanian circus 
   stole his chihuahua.
2. Giuliani Butt-Dials NBC Reporter, Heard Saying He Needs Money.
3. Migrating Russian eagles run up huge data roaming charges.
4. Five Chinese hitmen jailed after trying to subcontract job to one another.

And here was my effort:

In your best Bronx accent: "So Rudy gives me a call. The sound was kinda muffled 
but I hear him say he's strapped for cash. Seems the Romanian pet snatching 
thing ain't paying off like he'd hoped it would and his dumbass Russian carrier 
eagles apparently couldn't find Kiev with a map and a compass. Says even though 
he's bleeding money from every pore he wants those fuckin' birds WACKED. I tell 
him I know some guys who work cheap and are semi-reliable but it really helps if 
you can speak Chinese. Then I hear a fart and he hangs up. Go figure..."

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